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True Love

I finished a book a couple days ago, The Paris Wife.  I may or may not do a review on it, as I wasn’t intending to read it for this blog, but it was all about love, so I might as well.  I read it because I watched Midnight in Paris and almost died, so now I am obsessed with “the Lost Generation” and want to read MORE!  Every time I fly somewhere, I go to the Powell’s (bookstore) in the airport, and pretty much always buy books.  So I was browsing the sale section and found the book, and it is about Hemingway’s first wife, or rather, her story of their relationship, but as imagined by Paula McLain.  It’s as based upon fact as she could do it, so I guess it’s historically pretty accurate.  I am supposed to be reading a psychology book right now for this blog, but I LOVE fiction or at least an interesting story, fiction or non, so I read The Paris Wife.

So if I do the review, I will tell you a little more about the plot, but if you Google “Hemingway” (or you already know), he did not marry only one woman.  So, Hadley and Hemingway got divorced.  I knew it was coming, so I was always worrying about how it would happen.  Luckily I didn’t know anything about his personal life, so when the character entered the plot that became his second wife, I had no idea, although I suspected her.  BUT…what I am writing this about is that I WAS DEVASTATED.  I sobbed my eyes out for the last half an hour or maybe more of reading it.  Supposedly Hemingway loved Hadley the most, but…he cheated on her and divorced her.  McLain tried to make it sound like they were meant for each other, even after all the years, they were the best, truest pair, and maybe she didn’t embellish anything there, maybe Hemingway did call Hadley and say the things he said in the book.

However, after thinking about it for a while (that night, the next morning, and throughout the day), I decided that I think it is BS.  If you really, truly love someone, you don’t fall for someone else.  You don’t cheat on them and leave them.  Granted, he wanted to just have 2 wives and be one big happy family, but when she made him choose, he chose girl number two.  I realize that I am new at this, and people get divorced all the time, and they say things like they still love the person, they’re just not right for each other, it just didn’t work out,…I don’t even know, whatever else they say.  Sure there are other reasons, and many divorces that end badly (I’m sure a lot, possibly most, divorces end because the people are pretty mad at each other and don’t have any kind thoughts), but I’m referring to the ones where they say that they still love the person, and they ended it on good terms.  I don’t believe this.  I mean, I’m sure they love each other.  But I think that you can love someone and that is not a person that you are truly, deeply in love with, that you would give the whole world just for them, and you would do ANYTHING to be with them and stay with them.  I’m sure there can also be situations where one person feels that way and the other doesn’t, in which case the person that feels that way doesn’t get to choose to be with that person forever.

What I’m trying to say, I think, is that I believe there are levels of love.  I have had lesser levels of love before; I dated before, and it didn’t work out.  I’m sure the vast majority of people do not plan to get divorced when they get married, but I promise I will do everything in my power to stay with my man.  I love him more than I can even begin to express, and there is NOTHING that could make me ever want to give him up.  I mean unless he turned into a monster and did some terrible things, but we’re not going there.  I know that it isn’t always easy, I know sometimes you don’t feel it and you have to work really hard.  But I know that is what I want to do, because I can’t ever lose him.  So this story where their love was supposed to be true love, and she always loved him (I believe her) and he always loved her (BS), as sad as it is, I just can’t believe that he loved her as much as he said he did.  I would probably still sob if I read it again, because they DID love each other, but I just don’t believe it was as true and selfless as a love as I believe it is possible to have.  I think the selfless vs selfish part is probably a main component there, but that’s another post for another day.

I’m calling out the stories where they don’t end up together.  If someone dies, fine, maybe it really was an epic love.  But if they end up with other people, for whatever reason, and they say “oh, but I never forgot this other person,” NO.  If you REALLY loved that person as much as you claim to, you would be with them.  You would have done everything in your power not to hurt them.  You would never have stopped trying, never let go, never let anything get in the way.  Maybe it’s still the hopeless romantic in me, but my love story is going to be one of those happily ever afters.  Not always easy, but amazing for the rest of my life.  I’m disowning the sad endings.  Unless one of the characters died.  But even so, I don’t think that was the only way to have their love remain perfect.  I will still love those movies/books though, and still sob my eyes out.

I’m still really upset for Hadley.

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Miss Atomic Bomb

You really have to listen to this one for the full effect. I blast it and drown myself in it…

You were standing with your girlfriends in the street.
Falling back on forever, I wonder what you came to be.
I was new in town, the boy with the eager eyes.
I never was a quitter, oblivious to school girls’ lies.
And when I look back on those neon nights,
The leather seat, the passage rite,
I feel the heat, I see the light…

Miss Atomic Bomb, making out, we got the radio on,
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone,
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
Racing shadows in the moonlight,
Through the desert on a hot night.
For a second there we’d won.
Yeah, we were innocent and young.

Oohhhhhhhhhhh,

Cast out of the night, you got a foolish heart.
So you took your place, but the fall
From grace was the hardest part.
It feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back,
You run for cover but you can’t escape the second attack.
Your soul was innocent, you kissed him and she painted it black.
You should’ve seen your little face burning for love,
Holding on for your life.
All that I wanted was a little touch,
A little tenderness, the truth,
I didn’t ask for much, no,
Talk about being in the wrong place
At the wrong time…

Miss Atomic Bomb, making out, we got the radio on.
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

Racing shadows in the moonlight,
Taking chances on a hot night.
And for a second there we’d won.
Yeah, we were innocent and young.

The dust cloud is settled and my eyes are clear.
But sometimes in dreams of impact I still hear…

Miss Atomic Bomb.
I’m standing here, sweat on my skin.
And this love that I’ve cradled,
It’s wearing thin.
(Miss Atomic Bomb)
But I’m standing here, and you’re too late.
(You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone)
Your shockwave whispered
(Shockwave whispered)
And sealed your fate.

(It feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back)
It’s a proving ground.
(You run for cover but you can’t escape the second attack)
And you took a chance.
(Your soul was innocent, you kissed him and she painted it black)
On a loser’s game.
(You should’ve seen her little face burning for love
Miss Atomic Bomb,
Holding on for your life)
But you can’t survive,
When you want it all.
(All that I wanted was a little touch)
There’s another side.
(A little tenderness, the truth, I didn’t ask for much,
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

~The Killers

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Sometime Around Midnight

And it starts
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand
Under the bar lights
And the band plays some song about forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile
And that white dress she’s wearing, you haven’t seen her
For a while

But you know
That she’s watching
She’s laughing, she’s turning
She’s holding her tonic like a cross
The room suddenly spinning, she walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there’s a change
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies, like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless, and lost in the haze of the wine

And she leaves
With someone you don’t know
But she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes
And then your friends say “What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

And you walk
Under the streetlights
And you’re too drunk to notice that everyone’s staring at you
You don’t care what you look like
The world is falling around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

You know that she’ll break you in two

~The Airborne Toxic Event

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Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough

Now I don’t wanna lose you
But I don’t wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I don’t wanna hate you
I don’t wanna take you
But I don’t wanna be the one to cry

And that don’t really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

Now I could never change you
And I don’t wanna blame you
Baby you don’t have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something’s gonna change

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

And there’s no way home
When it’s late at night and you’re all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
And do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you, where I used to lay

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough
Baby sometimes love, it just ain’t enough

Patty Smyth

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When the wind whispers

Once upon a time,
In the forest,
Among the trees,
On a hilltop,
Beneath the stars,
In the tall grass,
Watching the sunset,
In a field of flowers,
By the lake,
By the sea,
Across the ocean,
In a cabin,
In the sand,
In the sunlight,
Under the moonlight,
With each breath,
And every sigh,
You loved me.

And sometimes,
When the wind whispers,
I can still hear you.

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Sonnet 87

Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing,
And like enough thou know’st thy estimate,
The charter of thy worth gives thee releasing:
My bonds in thee are all determinate.
For how do I hold thee but by thy granting,
And for that riches where is my deserving?
The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,
And so my patent back again is swerving.
Thy self thou gav’st, thy own worth then not knowing,
Or me to whom thou gav’st it, else mistaking,
So thy great gift, upon misprision growing,
Comes home again, on better judgement making.
Thus have I had thee as a dream doth flatter,
In sleep a King, but waking no such matter.

~William Shakespeare