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True Love

I finished a book a couple days ago, The Paris Wife.  I may or may not do a review on it, as I wasn’t intending to read it for this blog, but it was all about love, so I might as well.  I read it because I watched Midnight in Paris and almost died, so now I am obsessed with “the Lost Generation” and want to read MORE!  Every time I fly somewhere, I go to the Powell’s (bookstore) in the airport, and pretty much always buy books.  So I was browsing the sale section and found the book, and it is about Hemingway’s first wife, or rather, her story of their relationship, but as imagined by Paula McLain.  It’s as based upon fact as she could do it, so I guess it’s historically pretty accurate.  I am supposed to be reading a psychology book right now for this blog, but I LOVE fiction or at least an interesting story, fiction or non, so I read The Paris Wife.

So if I do the review, I will tell you a little more about the plot, but if you Google “Hemingway” (or you already know), he did not marry only one woman.  So, Hadley and Hemingway got divorced.  I knew it was coming, so I was always worrying about how it would happen.  Luckily I didn’t know anything about his personal life, so when the character entered the plot that became his second wife, I had no idea, although I suspected her.  BUT…what I am writing this about is that I WAS DEVASTATED.  I sobbed my eyes out for the last half an hour or maybe more of reading it.  Supposedly Hemingway loved Hadley the most, but…he cheated on her and divorced her.  McLain tried to make it sound like they were meant for each other, even after all the years, they were the best, truest pair, and maybe she didn’t embellish anything there, maybe Hemingway did call Hadley and say the things he said in the book.

However, after thinking about it for a while (that night, the next morning, and throughout the day), I decided that I think it is BS.  If you really, truly love someone, you don’t fall for someone else.  You don’t cheat on them and leave them.  Granted, he wanted to just have 2 wives and be one big happy family, but when she made him choose, he chose girl number two.  I realize that I am new at this, and people get divorced all the time, and they say things like they still love the person, they’re just not right for each other, it just didn’t work out,…I don’t even know, whatever else they say.  Sure there are other reasons, and many divorces that end badly (I’m sure a lot, possibly most, divorces end because the people are pretty mad at each other and don’t have any kind thoughts), but I’m referring to the ones where they say that they still love the person, and they ended it on good terms.  I don’t believe this.  I mean, I’m sure they love each other.  But I think that you can love someone and that is not a person that you are truly, deeply in love with, that you would give the whole world just for them, and you would do ANYTHING to be with them and stay with them.  I’m sure there can also be situations where one person feels that way and the other doesn’t, in which case the person that feels that way doesn’t get to choose to be with that person forever.

What I’m trying to say, I think, is that I believe there are levels of love.  I have had lesser levels of love before; I dated before, and it didn’t work out.  I’m sure the vast majority of people do not plan to get divorced when they get married, but I promise I will do everything in my power to stay with my man.  I love him more than I can even begin to express, and there is NOTHING that could make me ever want to give him up.  I mean unless he turned into a monster and did some terrible things, but we’re not going there.  I know that it isn’t always easy, I know sometimes you don’t feel it and you have to work really hard.  But I know that is what I want to do, because I can’t ever lose him.  So this story where their love was supposed to be true love, and she always loved him (I believe her) and he always loved her (BS), as sad as it is, I just can’t believe that he loved her as much as he said he did.  I would probably still sob if I read it again, because they DID love each other, but I just don’t believe it was as true and selfless as a love as I believe it is possible to have.  I think the selfless vs selfish part is probably a main component there, but that’s another post for another day.

I’m calling out the stories where they don’t end up together.  If someone dies, fine, maybe it really was an epic love.  But if they end up with other people, for whatever reason, and they say “oh, but I never forgot this other person,” NO.  If you REALLY loved that person as much as you claim to, you would be with them.  You would have done everything in your power not to hurt them.  You would never have stopped trying, never let go, never let anything get in the way.  Maybe it’s still the hopeless romantic in me, but my love story is going to be one of those happily ever afters.  Not always easy, but amazing for the rest of my life.  I’m disowning the sad endings.  Unless one of the characters died.  But even so, I don’t think that was the only way to have their love remain perfect.  I will still love those movies/books though, and still sob my eyes out.

I’m still really upset for Hadley.

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Miss Atomic Bomb

You really have to listen to this one for the full effect. I blast it and drown myself in it…

You were standing with your girlfriends in the street.
Falling back on forever, I wonder what you came to be.
I was new in town, the boy with the eager eyes.
I never was a quitter, oblivious to school girls’ lies.
And when I look back on those neon nights,
The leather seat, the passage rite,
I feel the heat, I see the light…

Miss Atomic Bomb, making out, we got the radio on,
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone,
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
Racing shadows in the moonlight,
Through the desert on a hot night.
For a second there we’d won.
Yeah, we were innocent and young.

Oohhhhhhhhhhh,

Cast out of the night, you got a foolish heart.
So you took your place, but the fall
From grace was the hardest part.
It feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back,
You run for cover but you can’t escape the second attack.
Your soul was innocent, you kissed him and she painted it black.
You should’ve seen your little face burning for love,
Holding on for your life.
All that I wanted was a little touch,
A little tenderness, the truth,
I didn’t ask for much, no,
Talk about being in the wrong place
At the wrong time…

Miss Atomic Bomb, making out, we got the radio on.
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

Racing shadows in the moonlight,
Taking chances on a hot night.
And for a second there we’d won.
Yeah, we were innocent and young.

The dust cloud is settled and my eyes are clear.
But sometimes in dreams of impact I still hear…

Miss Atomic Bomb.
I’m standing here, sweat on my skin.
And this love that I’ve cradled,
It’s wearing thin.
(Miss Atomic Bomb)
But I’m standing here, and you’re too late.
(You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone)
Your shockwave whispered
(Shockwave whispered)
And sealed your fate.

(It feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back)
It’s a proving ground.
(You run for cover but you can’t escape the second attack)
And you took a chance.
(Your soul was innocent, you kissed him and she painted it black)
On a loser’s game.
(You should’ve seen her little face burning for love
Miss Atomic Bomb,
Holding on for your life)
But you can’t survive,
When you want it all.
(All that I wanted was a little touch)
There’s another side.
(A little tenderness, the truth, I didn’t ask for much,
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

~The Killers

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Memories

Looking through old photos,
I found the one you sent me
That you took just for me
In which you are perfect.
The memories come flooding back.
The other photos all have meanings;
The photos I took for you,
The photos you took for me.
No one else would understand what they mean;
The story behind each and every one.
But I,
I can recall each moment.
I know what I was doing,
How I felt about you,
And how you felt about me.
Oh, how you felt about me.

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When You Were Young

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now … here he comes!

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I don’t know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let’s take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We’re burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil’s water, it ain’t so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But more than you’ll ever know

The Killers

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Hector and the Secrets of Love

Just finished a book…I started it before I decided to do this blog, but I have always loved reading about love.  It’s a super cute book, not really a heavy read at all, but some good insights and fun at the same time.  It’s about this psychiatrist, Hector, who is trying to find his scientist friend that has been doing research and development on a drug that can make people fall in love, but has disappeared.  So Hector’s journey is on both the scientific side of love, and his own personal experiences.  As he goes along, he keeps a journal, and I wanted to compile the “seedlings” that he writes, as well as list his five components of heartache (since he writes a lot about them, and you would get bored if I included all of it, so read the book), which then also lead to the five components of love.

I would, however, definitely recommend you read the book. 🙂

Seedling no. 1: Perfect love would be never having arguments.

Seedling no. 2: Sometimes we argue most with the people we love the most.

Seedling no. 3: You cannot win someone’s love without a fight.

Seedling no. 4: True love is not wanting to be unfaithful.

Seedling no. 5: True love is not being unfaithful (even when you want to be).

Seedling no. 6: True love is always sensing what the other wants.

Seedling no. 7: Love can be wonderful when the other senses what we want, but we must also be able to help them by expressing our desires.

Seedling no. 8: Sexual desire is essential to love.

Seedling no. 9: Needing the other is a sign of love.

Seedling no. 10: Men’s sexual desire can create many hells.

Seedling no. 11: Love and jealousy go hand in hand.

Seedling no. 12: Passion fades after two or three years of living together.

Seedling no. 13: Passion in love can be terribly unfair.

Seedling no. 14: Women always like to dream of love even when they are already in love with someone.

Seedling no. 15: In love, if we really knew what the other person was saying maybe we wouldn’t understand them at all.

Seedling no. 16: Jealousy is inseparable from desire.

Seedling no. 17: Jealousy is a sign of attachment.

Seedling no. 18: Love means sensing immediately when the other is unhappy.

Seedling no. 19: Could love be a combination of self-interest and emotions?

Seedling no. 20: Love means still seeing the other’s beauty when nobody else does anymore.

Seedling no. 21: Love proves itself when put to the test.

Seedling no. 22: Love is, smiling the moment you see one another.

Seedling no. 23: Love is like a revolving door; you go round and round, but you never manage to catch up with one another.

Seedling no. 24: Nothing eases the pain of love better than focusing on a task.

Seedling no. 25: Love is the ability to dream and to know when to stop dreaming.

Seedling no. 26: Love is resisting temptation.

Seedling no. 27: You can only have one love at a time.

The five components of heartache:

Neediness, Guilt, Anger, Loss of self-esteem, Fear

The five components of love:

First component of love: fulfilment (the other side of neediness), the simple happiness of being with the loved one, the feeling of calm when the loved one laughs, sleeps, thinks, the incomparable happiness of simply being in each other’s arms.

Second component: the joy of giving (the other side of guilt), feeling happy because we make others happy, saying to ourselves that with us the loved one has experienced joys they would not have experienced without us, that we have brought new light into their life, in the same way they have brought new light into ours.

Third component: gratitude (the other side of anger), being amazed by what we owe the loved one, the joy they have given us, the way they have helped us mature, the way they have been able to comfort and understand us, and to share our pleasures and sorrows.

Fourth component: self-confidence (the other side of low self-esteem), feeling happy to be who we are simply because the loved one loves us for who we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses.  Despite our ordeals and setbacks, the criticism of others, and the cruelty of life, feeling a measure of self-confidence thanks to what really matters to us: being loved by the loved one.

Fifth component: serenity (the other side of fear), knowing that, despite life’s ups and downs and its inevitable tragic end, the loved one will be with us on this journey.  The tests of time, illness, all of this will be bearable with the loved one by our side, for better or for worse, in happiness as in adversity.

And a quote from the very last sentence: “Love is indeed complicated, difficult, sometimes painful, but it is also the only time that our dream becomes reality”.