Being a Military Spouse is Hard: a post for newbies and outsiders

Okay, first I will address the elephant in the room: Yes, I have not posted on here in FOREVER. Sorry to anyone that might actually have been really interested in this blog…I still love Love, I just spend all my time working on a ridiculous amount of other things. I still think I’ll post more stuff on here…someday… But for now, I was feeling super inspired to write a blog post after thinking about this stuff, and I didn’t have anywhere else to put it. It’s totally about love though, so it fits here. It’s definitely a personal post though. Anyways, now that we’ve addressed that, here goes…

a and p (1 of 1)Real talk: Military life is hard. Being a military spouse (or significant other) is hard. It’s hard for many, many reasons, but a lot of them are pretty obvious, and everyone (even people not even close to it) knows it’s hard. But it’s also hard for more complex reasons that people on the outside wouldn’t even guess, and people brand new to military life wouldn’t know about yet. I wanted to talk about what I just realized, as a semi-newbie (we’re 3 years in), and have been thinking about a lot.

So the obvious, surface-level reason that everyone knows, is of course that you’re separated a lot. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I married my husband because I couldn’t live without him. Ironic, because he had already joined the Navy (and left), so I already knew what I was getting into. But I couldn’t live without him, so I chose to…have to live without him for many long periods of time, and only get to live with him sometimes. Ha. It’s also funny because I always swore I could never have a long-distance relationship, and then I had to go fall in love with a man that I have to be long distance with over and over. So yeah…I’m not the type of person that needs space. Ideally I would see him every single day of my life and absolutely love it.I suppose if I DID get to see him every single day, I would be okay with having a few days apart here and there. But since I don’t get him all the time, when he IS home, I pretty much want to spend every second of every day with him. Being separated is very, very hard.

But here’s the catch. I DO live without him. I have to be strong, I have to go about my life and be okay (and sometimes I’m not okay, but that’s okay), I have to be independent, I have to do all the things and basically be on my own. So I get used to that. I get to do whatever I want, and that’s pretty cool, although I do get tired of doing it alone. I mean, I do have friends, but I’m a go, go, go type of person so I end up doing a lot of things alone because I don’t want to miss out on anything, sometimes it’s super spontaneous, and people aren’t always available. BUT, even though I miss him a ton and really, really, really wish he was around, I’m used to living life without him.

And then he comes home.

And that, newbies and outsiders, is the other hard part. Because he leaves the toilet seat up. I (miraculously) do a bunch of cleaning, and he leaves a bunch of things in all the places I just cleaned. I have my list of fun things I want to go do, and he’s too tired (because he still has to work a bunch when he’s home). He doesn’t want to eat the same things that I want to eat. He wants to spend money on things that I don’t want to spend money on.

Do you see what I’m getting at? We have to learn how to live with each other AGAIN, every time he comes home. Every. Single. Time. And I almost want him to leave again, so I can get back to my way of doing things, do whatever I want, and not have the stress of having to deal with someone else messing up my life. They tell us it’s hard in classes they have for us, they tell us to go to marriage counseling, but you don’t really think it’s going to be hard. Or maybe other people get it, but I definitely didn’t. I mean, I’m CRAZY about him. I already told you I married him because I couldn’t live without him, and I would happily spend every single day of my life with him. We think we’re the best couple, we love, love, LOVE spending time together, we’re silly and we have SO MUCH FUN together. We won’t have problems, we’re amazing together. Other couples don’t always seem to like each other as much as we do.

WRONG. It’s hard. It’s really, really, really hard. I miss him like crazy when he’s gone. I would give anything to have him home all the time. Then he gets home, and he drives me crazy and I kiiiinda want him to leave. When I get really frustrated then I definitely want him to leave. But of course if he left, I would miss him like crazy again. Y’all, it is SUPER hard. He’s my favorite person in the world, and I don’t want to be grumpy when he’s home, I just want to enjoy it!

As I got to this point in this post, I realized that I don’t have a solution or a happy ending. I’ve always been good at beginnings, decent at middles, and absolutely terrible at ends. I’m still in the middle part of this myself, though. I’m thinking counseling is probably a great idea, ha. I can’t impart my sage advice to all the young’uns though, because we haven’t actually done any of the smart things that might help. Maybe I should have written this after that, ha. But I guess this is more of a “Hey, I’m right there with you, hit me up if you want to chat about it,” post. I wanted to let others know about this aspect of military life that might not have any clue about it, but I’m sure seasoned military spouses know all about it already. Maybe it’s even all over the internet already. But hey, even if it is, I didn’t know about it, and MAYBE this post might reach SOMEONE that had no clue, and maybe help in some way but-I’m-not-sure-what-way-that-might-be…if that happens, I will deem this a success. 🙂

For real though, if you want to talk about this, I’m at least good at that. 🙂

Military life is hard.


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