The Five Love Languages

Many people have heard of this book already, and possibly read it, but for those that haven’t I think it’s excellent.  This one, which is the original, is geared toward married couples, but the principles are also applicable to singles.  He has different versions (which I have not read) for men, singles, parents, etc.  The website is also helpful if you don’t want to read the whole book, and it has a quiz you can take to find out what your love languages are, which I had already done a couple times before reading this book. 🙂  The link to the website is here.

The main premise of this book, of course, is that everyone speaks a primary love language, and there are 5 of them, which can be expressed in different dialects.  The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  Each of us has a primary one that we NEED to feel like we are loved, but we can also communicate in the others.  There may be some that you don’t need, but you can potentially express them to others.  Gary Chapman states that everyone has a love tank, and when you are receiving love in your love language, your love tank gets filled up.  If someone loves you but communicates their love in a different love language than your own, your love tank remains empty, and you are unhappy.

The book goes through each love language and tells stories of couples, and also goes into how to communicate in the love language of your spouse.  It’s really interesting and inspiring to read the stories, but at minimum I would recommend checking out the website and even taking the quiz.  The important point is that if you and your significant other have different love languages, you can think that you are showing them that you love them, when in reality they are not feeling it, because you are basically speaking a foreign language.  You could both have empty love tanks, and be miserable.  You can figure out what each other’s love language is, and learn to communicate in it, and turn your relationship around.  Gary believes that during the initial attraction phase, this isn’t usually an issue, but after couples are married, if they are not speaking each other’s love languages, it’s likely that their marriage is not going well.  He has counseled many couples and has seen some incredible success stories.

I highly recommend the book (also, I haven’t read the version for singles but it sounds like it would be good), but go take the quiz online now, if you haven’t already! 🙂


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