Ok, first of all, I’m sorry… I was doing so well on this blog and then I wasn’t. I do that with most things. I really do want to continue this, but life gets busy. It’s art season though so you can check out what I’ve been spending my time on (although not so much the blog part of it, I need to do that one too) here.
*Disclaimer before I start – I know nothing about the dynamics of homosexual relationships, so I am not trying to address them, sorry. Maybe this applies, but I will refer to heterosexual relationships for the sake of ease and because that is what I know. Please don’t take offense…*
So. I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about, and then something came to me. 🙂 I was discussing this with someone… There’s a stereotype that women need to be told “I love you” and that they’re beautiful by their man, and men don’t like to say it all the time. And my experience with guys is that although they feel those things, and possibly know the woman wants to say it, they won’t do it. They do it on their terms. My thought was, “Why can’t men just say it, because they do mean it and it makes the woman happy?” So I was asking a male friend that I respect why it’s so hard for men to do that. His response was that it’s ridiculous if a woman needs that and he wouldn’t want to be with a woman that was that needy. I thought “good luck”, and figured I should write a post about it. Then I thought about the disclaimers that I would need, since people get mad at me for generalizations… But as I thought about it more, I realized that there are guys that like that kind of thing too. And I realized that actually, it’s not a man vs woman thing, it’s a personality thing.
A company I worked for did this behavioral analytics thing, because we were trying to understand how our customers worked a little better, so we could figure out how to assist them better. There were six different ones, and I’m not going to explain them all, because I don’t need them all for my purposes. The most common ones and the ones that deal with this issue here are Thoughts and Emotions. Now, as you might guess, the majority of Thoughts people are men, and the majority of Emotions people are women. This is not a generalization, this is fact. There are, of course, Thoughts based women and Emotions based women. I am Opinions based (go figure haha), which is close to Thoughts as far as the logical aspect, but I phase Emotions. They are basically as they sound, with a bit more depth…but Thoughts is the logical kind, and they need recognition for what they do. Emotions is the relationship (with people in general) kind, and they need recognition for who they are.
Since men tend to be more Thoughts and women tend to be more Emotions, stereotypes form based around their needs. And for the most part, women need to be told that they are beautiful and loved, and men think that’s silly and irrational, and they already know they are loved, so why do they need to be told repeatedly? However, as I have said, men can be Emotions and women can be Thoughts, so it could be the reverse. To further complicate things, there are the Five Love Languages, which I have not read yet but is on my list and I know a tiny bit about; saying that there are 5 different ways people express love and want love to be expressed to them, and words of affirmation is only one of those.
So then what is the point of this? I think basically that YOU all are aware of the differences. Girls are not stupid or needy or ridiculous for needing to be told that their man loves them. Men don’t not love their women because they’re not saying it. Everyone needs encouragement in some form, and it would help ALL of us to figure out what the other person needs and DO IT. It goes both ways. Don’t do it because you feel pressured though, because you’ll be resentful. Do it because YOU love them and you want to make them happy.
I’m undecided if it’s best for, say, Thoughts men to be with Thoughts women and Emotions men to be with Emotions women. I don’t think there are enough Thoughts women and Emotions men to go around, first of all. Second of all, while it may be easier, I think there’s something to be said for balancing each other out. Obviously, it’s up to you. But no matter who you’re with, find out what they need, don’t judge them for being different than you and just decide they shouldn’t need that, and do what makes them happy. Don’t you want them to do the same for you?