Why is it so difficult?

I thought love was supposed to be simple.  I mean, when I was younger.  I’ve mentioned this before…it never occurred to my little mind that there were more than one princess and more than one prince.  There was the beautiful princess, and the handsome prince, and she only had to wait until he found her.  And pick out the perfect dress.  Those were her only problems.

This is, unfortunately, not the case.  My slightly more mature mind thought that there were other people in the world, and you had to find the right one, but when you did it was perfect.  Maybe you would like someone and they didn’t like you (happened to me a lot), but the concept of someone thinking another someone was the One and that feeling not being reciprocated never even crossed my mind.

Which brings me to that fact.  I have also mentioned the movie TiMER before, and discussed how I was very upset by the fact that one character loved another character, but she didn’t love him back, and how I thought it was quite unfair, but then I realized that’s what happens in real life.  That post is a little similar to this one, but not quite the same, but you can check it out here if you’d like.  So anyways…we can love someone and think they’re the One and they can not feel that way about us.  It sucks.

I’ve been on both ends of it.  When I thought he was the One, everything seemed so absolutely perfect and I was SURE that we were meant to be together, so his feelings would change at some point and I just had to wait it out.  I mean he tried, but it just wasn’t there.  And in retrospect, I can see what was wrong but I couldn’t at the time.  When he thought I was the One, I wanted so bad to be able to force myself to want to be with him.  I hate hurting people, and most of it was absolutely amazing, but not all of it.  I hope he can see ways that I was not right for him, at least at some point.

I’m still convinced that it can’t be perfect for one person and not the other.  I’m convinced that if it doesn’t work out, both parties will be able to see reasons why they shouldn’t be together.  But on the other hand, I know that no relationship is perfect, and there will always be things that bother you about someone, even if you do end up together.  Which makes me wonder where the line is, and how you know when it’s good enough, since it will never be perfect.  How do we know if we’re being too picky, and when pretty darn perfect but not quite is enough, and we should “settle”?  Am I just supposed to know when I find it?  Both parties have to “know” I guess, but this whole “almost perfect” business scares me.

I still think it shouldn’t be this difficult.  Maybe when figuring out that you want to be with each other is the least of your worries, that’s the right person.  I know it never gets easy, but it should be more simple.  I need to know that it’s easier than this; that there’s not so much heartbreak.

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2 thoughts on “Why is it so difficult?

  1. I have questions like these that bother me, too, but one thing that keeps hitting me from various places (including Pastor Rick’s pulpit) is that “How do I know that s/he’s the One for me?” is the wrong question. We are very used to consuming goods and services in our culture, and not always at being on the other end of things. But people are not commodities. And so long as we treat one another like we are, we will fail to give the picture in marriage of Christ selflessly walking the painful path to the cross for the ugly, unfaithful “bride” that was shouting “Crucify! Crucify!” the entire way. To quote an article that I read recently, “Does biblical faithfulness require that we all run out and marry the godliest, most personally grating person we can find? Of course not…Enjoy [attraction and personal chemistry/preferences], but don’t be a slave to them. Desire them, but have a realistic idea of what those words mean in a fallen world, and the limited role they should play in one of the most important decisions of your Christian life. Remember, ‘the movies’ aren’t real, and they aren’t the standard. It’s not that attraction makes no difference, but it shouldn’t make the difference.” (Here’s the link to the article. It’s a good one, worth checking out, IMHO. “Brother, You’re Like a Six” http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001371.cfm )

    • This doesn’t help at all!! The opposite in fact… 😛 In most, if not all, cases in my life, it has been an issue of attraction (both ways). Personality, connection were great. But, I think that attraction is important, and I think it can be the deciding factor. I have felt shallow before, but since it has happened to me, I know it’s not just me. My philosophy though is that if you are thinking about marriage, sex is going to be a part of that (usually 🙂 ). And I don’t think that sex should ONLY be for reproduction. So, if I’m going to marry someone, I need to WANT to sleep with them. And if I’m not attracted to them in that way at all, I think that is a big no. I guess that would mean I only like them in a platonic way…? I don’t know. This is where the lines blur for me. I think there is an emotional/mental attraction…but that just isn’t enough. I know I don’t have to find the hottest guy in the world, but I have to have SOME sort of physical attraction to him. I haven’t read the article yet though…

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