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Bad boys

Alright, here it is, what you all (or at least the nice guys) have been waiting for…my take on “bad boys”. Not that you’ve actually necessarily been waiting for my take specifically…but I like to pretend you care what I have to say. And I do know that this is a topic of interest. 🙂 So, I have a theory, and I will share it with you.

My theory is quite simple actually… I think women like bad boys because they think they will be better in bed.

Now, before you freak out and tell me this isn’t so, first of all, it’s my theory, and yes I could be wrong, but second of all, I think a lot of women either won’t admit this or they don’t even know it themselves. It can be subconscious. It’s not really something we need to think about, it’s just a vibe they give and we get. Even if women are not pursuing sex at the time, it’s always something that’s on the table in male/female interactions. It may be completely not addressed, but it’s always there.

To break it down a little more as to why women may feel this way, generally bad boys have been with a lot more women. More experience translates to more skill, which of course is better. Also, they seem to be more wild, bigger risk takers, etc.; translating to more interesting sex. I think we fear nice guys just won’t be that fun. More considerate, sure, caring about what makes us happy…but if we want fiery passion, bad boys it is.

I think there could be other aspects to our love of bad boys too; usually bad boys are highly coveted so if you’re with one, then you are better than all the other women that aren’t with him. He chose you. (Even though he may be choosing ten of you at once.) Big self-esteem booster. Also, they may be more fun in general, not just in bed. Maybe we like a man that’s in control, and we feel like nice guys just let us do whatever we want.

I’m sure there’s plenty of psychology on this, but I haven’t discovered any yet, so I will not be able to touch on the potential multitudes of contributing factors for why women love bad boys. If I find stuff on it maybe I’ll do another post. But for now, just based on my own personal study of it, I think the main reason, whether we know it or not, is that we think they’ll be more fun “in the sack”, as the kids say…haha 🙂

*Women – before you go attacking what I said, I want you to think about it for a really long time. If you still disagree, please, comment! 🙂

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17 thoughts on “Bad boys

  1. I agree that the sex is a big part of it. Also, nice guys usually seem whimpy to women because they let us say and do whatever we want. Bad boys have more confidence and won’t stand for a lot of our crap. We like a guy that can stick up for us, and one that won’t even stick up for himself can’t do that for us. Now if only we could find a man that is confident, strong, and great in bed while still treating us with love and respect. Where are the men that are a good balance between good and bad?

  2. “Real men” don’t find girls who are “sleeping around until they find their prince-charming” that attractive. End of story.

    I agree that most “nice guys” are too afraid to make a move on girls. These types of guys may also be ignorant when a girl is interested in dating them due to their lack of dating experience. This leads girls to settle by going out with the bad-boys by default. However, if you hold out long enough and stay away from the bad boys you will eventually find the rare combination of a confident, strong and respectful man who won’t put up with “girl crap.”

    Guys who are dicks to girls are only that way because, quite frankly the girls are willing to put up with it because girls get attached to them once they’ve been sexually intimate with them. Just a side-note; if you have a sex-buddy (friends with benefits or whatever you want to call it) and you think you’re the only girl he’s sleeping with, think again. If you’re putting out for a guy without making him have to work for it then what makes you think you’re that special to him compared to the other girls he’s messing around with, or any other girl in general? Sure you may be an amazing girl with good qualities, but he doesn’t care; all he (the bad boy that you’re so fascinated by) cares about is whether or not you are going to put out for him.

    A tip for future dating, if you go out with a guy (who happens to be that awesome, good-looking, bad-ass “bad boy”) and all he wants is to get into your pants, tell him you’re celibate. Watch what happens. He will forget about you. He only wants sex and doesn’t truly want to go out of his way to respect you and treat you how a woman should be treated (problem solved, you just eliminated a douche bag and you didn’t get spiritually/emotionally attached to him by sleeping with him). A real man is more interested in compatibility (outside of a sexual relationship) and will be more eager to wait on you hand-on-foot if you respect yourself enough to be celibate until marriage.

    Call celibacy old-fashioned, out-dated, unrealistic or whatever you want to call it. Celibacy is a value that I was taught growing up and will hold until the day I am married. To the people reading this who think I’m stupid: go ahead and make fun of me all you want and call me crazy. Just know this, I don’t have to answer to my future wife about how many girls I’ve slept with, I won’t be comparing her to anyone else while I make love to her, and I won’t have the emotional baggage of memories of people I’ve slept with, all because I’ve followed this value my entire life. If you think sleeping around with multiple partners before marriage is so great then, by all means, tell your future spouse about every single detail of every person you’ve slept with on your wedding day. Let me know how that works out.

    Girls reading this: if you TRULY want a real man who is confident, a strong leader and respectful who won’t put up with your crap then don’t sleep around. A real man is just that, a real man, and he will be willing to wait until marriage. If you’ve had a lot of sex to the point where you cannot help yourself then I’m sorry, there really isn’t much hope for you unless you decide to start making drastic changes. It’s all about what you really want in the end: memories of a lot of bad-boys, or a real man.

    Yours truly,

    Tommy (a strong, confident and respectful man; don’t believe me then feel free to observe how I treat and respect my mother (there’s another good way to find a good man, thank me later))

  3. Ok, I need to offer a very different (and, I don’t think anyone is going to dispute this, more experienced) perspective on sex, Tommy. I grew up in a very conservative Christian household, so I grew up believing pretty much the same points you make here.

    Fortunately, none of them are true, and joyous experience is what has shown me this.

    “A tip for future dating, if you go out with a guy (who happens to be that awesome, good-looking, bad-ass “bad boy”) and all he wants is to get into your pants, tell him you’re celibate. Watch what happens. He will forget about you.”

    A classic but fallacious teaching. Tempting to think true, but ultimately false. I’ll use myself as an example: if I’m dating a girl and she says she is celibate, there is little point to any romantic relationship! It’s not because I’ve forgotten about her, but rather because dating someone who thinks sex is either scary or is so special as to be placed on a pedestal of “not until or outside of marriage!” has some very unrealistic expectations of sex and relationships. They probably aren’t prepared for any sort of serious emotional relationship either if they believe this!

    “A real man is more interested in compatibility (outside of a sexual relationship) and will be more eager to wait on you hand-on-foot if you respect yourself enough to be celibate until marriage.”

    While not the strict psycho-analytical definition of a madonna-whore complex, you’re basically saying that men will respect women who don’t have sex more. Well, speak for yourself! Having been on both sides of the issue here I can certainly say that a woman having had sexual partners has absolutely zero bearing on how I treat her or feel about her! (in fact, having some good sexual experience usually makes her MUCH more fun to actually have sex with)

    Worse, you don’t seem to understand compatibility beyond a good-friends concept here. A real romantic relationship is more than just emotional, intellectual, physical, or sexual compatibility. It’s a complex blend of all of these things (notice that I do separate physical from sexual here, I’ll get to that later) and to reduce it or simplify it to fewer than all of them is to handicap the relationship!

    “Just know this, I don’t have to answer to my future wife about how many girls I’ve slept with, I won’t be comparing her to anyone else while I make love to her, and I won’t have the emotional baggage of memories of people I’ve slept with, all because I’ve followed this value my entire life.”

    Just by bringing this up you quickly show off that you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. People concerned with “numbers” are fearful of sex, doubtful of themselves, and are probably very concerned with the pure/slut paradigm.

    Do you really think that having sex with someone means emotional baggage? That’s a really negative, dark view of sex.

    For the record: it doesn’t. At all. No, really: I was the last person a friend of mine dated and had sex with before she met her fiance (another friend who I’ve known for even longer). Their wedding is this summer, I’m invited. We don’t have any weird interactions, that we had sex never even comes up. It’s just not an issue that either of us is concerned with.

    Other exes are the same: seeing someone around who you’ve had sex with actually isn’t a big deal. Seriously. It’s a complete non-issue, and up until I experienced it myself, I genuinely thought the way you do, I thought it WOULD be an issue!

    But last, and most importantly, you bring up the “comparing her” myth. If you’re so bored during sex that you have time to compare the person you’re having sex with to someone previously, then I’ll let you in on a little fact: you’re having terrible sex.
    If you’re so emotionally insecure with a relationship that you feel the need to compare someone who you think you love against any other women you’ve dated (sex or not!) in the past, then you probably aren’t all that in love with her.

    But what’s really important about this last point is that you have it backward, in several ways.

    1. Sexual compatibility is very important for any long-term romantic relationship, and you CANNOT PREDICT IT. I have personally had several combinations of compatibilities with people and can tell you that it is COMPLETELY possible to have great compatibility everywhere else, even physically, but NOT sexually. And yes, it is just as disappointing as you might imagine! Now imagine you don’t find out that you aren’t sexually compatible with someone you got married to!
    Do you know who some of the biggest clients of sex therapists are? Evangelical married couples who didn’t have sex with each other (or usually anyone else) before they got married. (see also: point #3 about communication around sex)

    2. Knowing what good sex is is vitally important to being satisfied with your sex life, *particularly* if you are in a long-term monogamous relationship.
    The problem here starts with that you have no other experience to compare the sex to (note that I’m not contradicting myself here, I’m talking about comparing the sex, not the people you’re having sex with). This has a lot to do with experience on what pleases you, turns you on, and how you can do the same for other people. One of the biggest issues for people who haven’t had sex (or had very little sexual experience) is that they probably don’t have a good idea of what turns them on! Your imagination is nowhere as good as experience, here. This can actually have really broad implications across the board sexually! (what if the person you marry turns out to have completely different needs and desires sexually than you do? What if you’re wrong about what turns you on or what you really like, and they don’t like that sort of thing?)

    3. Good sex is all about communication, and people who either put sex up on a pedestal or (sometimes AND) are scared of sex because they’ve always been told how “dangerous” it is to have outside of marriage are not going to have any idea how to communicate with their partners about sex things–this is everything from “I want/like this” to “I don’t want/don’t like this other thing” to “can we try this thing” or even “look, I’m really not in the mood today!”

    Yes: it is a learned thing, and yes, it can be learned together, but it should be clear to anyone who pays attention to popular culture or their friends’ lives that people who aren’t able to communicate their feelings or needs (this of course includes non-sexual things) to their friends or lovers are usually not people who form lasting or happy relationships. The same thing applies to sex. Do you really want to risk that you or your partner will not develop these skills at the same pace?

    So, by all means, be celibate until marriage. Just don’t do it because it was what you were taught. Do it because it’s what you believe is RIGHT, and make sure you understand the consequences of it and you’re prepared for them (many of them you should be able to deal with without sex, but you need to be aware of them before you can even prepare for them).

    Sex isn’t a magical thing. It’s really, really awesome, but when it comes down to it sex is not sacred. Getting married isn’t a magical thing either, and it won’t suddenly make your sex good or not.

    The way to NOT go about this is slut-shaming: “Girls reading this: if you TRULY want a real man who is confident, a strong leader and respectful who won’t put up with your crap then don’t sleep around.”

    That doesn’t speak of confidence on your part: it sounds like you’re afraid of not being as good as one of her previous partners in bed. That doesn’t speak of leadership: it sounds like patriarchal misogyny. That isn’t respect: you used the words “put up with your crap” right there, which is incredibly disrespectful, and then to top it off made it CONTINGENT on that they “don’t sleep around.”

    Tommy, you sound like a Nice Guy. That isn’t a compliment. It means you’re inexperienced and you’re flailing about with ideas that you haven’t really fully considered or understood. (look up “Nice Guy” with the same capitalization). You seem to have only ever considered one narrow view of sexuality, and I urge you to learn more so that it doesn’t hurt or disappoint you in the future.

    I don’t think guys should be jerks or assholes, but the opposite end of the spectrum is the Nice Guy. No girl wants a Nice Guy, either.

    My real advice though? Don’t be afraid of sex, and don’t put it up on some sacred pedestal. My biggest and only regret sexually is that I believed the same stuff you did and didn’t have sex until my mid-20s. I wish I’d known better and started around 17 or 18.

  4. Ohhhhh my god, I can’t believe how complicated people make things! I never wanted a bad boy, they seemed all flash, no substance, and frankly, annoying. I never wanted a nice guy, they seemed gross, lame, and frankly, annoying. You know what I wanted? A normal guy who was his own person and liked me for being my own person. So I was myself, and found someone who was himself. And we are very happy together. Boom.

    I completely do not understand anything about the human race.

    • Ok your comment gets a response first, because it is the easiest to respond to… 🙂

      I think we all want the “normal guys”. The problem is that they seem to be hard to find. I don’t know, maybe this is a false misconception…? I think I would categorize all the guys that I’ve actually dated into the “normal guys” category. But I have definitely known the bad boys and nice guys…the nice guys I wasn’t interested in and the bad boys never made it to a relationship because they were just jerks…

      I was originally going to say if we could all find normal guys then we would all be like Boom but in retrospect I did find them, and not everyone is compatible. Obviously.

      I just think that it’s easier to find bad boys and nice guys. I don’t know if this is true, but it’s what it feels like. And, we tend to choose from what options we have available. Or, a lot of the bad boys say the right things and we think they’re nice at first. Actually that happens a lot. I never want to be with a guy that I know is a jerk.

      Anyways. I’m going to start rambling if I keep going. That was pretty much all.

  5. Tommy and Dan, I think I will leave you two to debate this yourselves…I am not going to step in here. 🙂 What I would like to address though, is that Dan, I definitely agree with you on your point near the end about not “slut-shaming”. I am opposed to anyone publicly judging/insulting anyone with whom they disagree, no matter what the issue or who the people are that they are disagreeing with. We are, in fact, all people, and should all be treated with respect. So while you (Tommy, in this case) have a strong opinion, you may voice that opinion in a way that does not attack people that disagree with you, or have made different choices. Also, on this issue, everyone is different, and you should not automatically be calling them terrible people without personally knowing their story. And that is all I am saying for now 🙂

  6. Hi Dan,

    I’m actually really glad you gave me a lengthy response. It’s good to see a different perspective on topics like this. Also, thank you for not candy-coating anything. As expected, I didn’t think many would agree with me, so I’ll go a little in-depth to your responses.

    The whole “tell the guy you’re celibate” thing: That’s advice that I give to girls who are truly looking for a man who is interested in getting to know her for her, which could potentially lead to a romantic relationship. Let me just say this, I’m a guy, you’re a guy, so we both know how men think: most men take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability for their own gain. The typical trend to start relationships these days is to go on dates, have a lot of sex and hope it leads to a long-term relationship (which happens sometimes). At least that’s what the last girl I dated thought, she told me that word for word. Little does she know that most guys can pretend to be interested in her, but in reality all they want is sex from her when in turn she really wants more (a relationship). She was a good girl who just wanted something and was going the wrong route to getting it. I gave her another perspective on how to get it and how to single guys out who are willing to work hard to pursue her for her, and not just her sex.

    The “A real man is more interested in compatibility (outside of a sexual relationship)” thing: I think I answered that with the paragraph above. Most girls are willing to jump the gun and sleep with a guy before knowing his full time, and vise-versa. I know for a fact that most girls end up wanting more than just sex (like I said, a relationship), and most guys don’t want anything beyond that, which leads to the girls getting heart-broken. I was just offering a suggestion for women on taking a new approach to help find a man who is truly interested in her beyond sex.

    “I don’t have to answer to my future wife about how many girls I’ve slept with.” You may be right, maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. However, I know that I offer more security (which is a big deal to women) to my future wife than you do to yours. I’m not fearful of sex, I’m not doubtful of myself at all, I just have more willpower than you have.

    “Emotional Baggage”: I’ve dated enough “Christian” women in my life who have slept around, then returned to their Christian values of being celibate. I can tell you for certain that they feel a lot of guilt for their past. You probably wouldn’t know this since I imagine you don’t date Christian girls who don’t view sex as sacred.

    That friend you had sex with before she got engaged: It may not be awkward to you. Men and women are very different and she more than likely feels otherwise, she just won’t admit it.

    That’s great that you can see girls you’ve had sex with and have it not be a big deal. I’ll admit that I wouldn’t feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I’m too compassionate of a guy to have sex with someone (you know, give them the ultimate physical and spiritual embrace that you can offer someone) and not think much of it. One of my closest relatives was that one girl in college who guys could easily have sex with anytime they wanted and thought nothing of it. I saw the aftermath and the heartache she went through from her actions. You have to realize, men and women are very different. You may not think these things are a big deal, but they certainly are to women. So after seeing that ordeal happen with my relative I knew I wasn’t going to be that type of guy, the guy you are, who is willing to embrace someone in a sexual manner and think that it isn’t a big deal.

    You’re right about sexual compatibility being important. You cannot predict it, but you can work with time, commitment and understanding as you stated. Communication is important and I plan on going to marital counseling before I’m married so I know what to communicate with my future wife. I also have friends who waited for marriage; they’ve talked to be about the good, the bad, what they need to work on and how to handle certain situations. So sure, I’m willing to take that risk of waiting. Good sex is built over time with good communication, commitment, work, trust and understanding.

    Lastly, sex is sacred. God made it a sacred act that is meant for a man and a woman in the context of marriage (I don’t expect you to buy into that statement at all since your Christian days are long gone). If it weren’t sacred then why would anyone ever consider settling down with one person for the rest of their lives? Why not just stay single for the rest of your life and have sex with as many people as possible? If sex wasn’t sacred then why does cheating cause so much heartache? Well, maybe it doesn’t to you, since sex really isn’t a big deal in your eyes. Really man, you honestly think that sex isn’t sacred?

    The “put up with your crap” comment is from a girl who stated that she doesn’t like whimpy guys who “take their girl crap” or get pushed around easily. Girls like men who are leaders who stand their ground. Read the other comments.

    I’m not afraid of sex. Sex is sacred. People don’t view sex as sacred because it’s easy to get. Just like how gold is sacred because of its rarity, a woman who is waiting for sex until marriage is sacred as well.

  7. Lol wow………

    Dan, i like everything u said, because its true. However it does not work for everyone, obviously because we are all different. Still super good insight!

    Tommy, all i can say is…..good luck buddy! Thats why the mormons teach that u should get married at a young age, because once u get to ur mid 20’s, u will find out that what dan said is true. Also that ur choice of girls that haven’t had sex is very small. I would rather have a girl that i can, as karen said, be my own person around; then have someone that i may not content with but shes a good christian and hasn’t had sex. However i do see ur point, any christian would!

    Now i would like to say that……….i dont really care to read guys views because they dont matter in this post! Who i want to hear from are the women! Cause this should be an insight to what they are thinking. So all u girls that posted something, this guy thanks you!

  8. I’d rather not start a huge discussion here, but there are a few specific things I have quibbles with:

    “Let me just say this, I’m a guy, you’re a guy, so we both know how men think: most men take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability for their own gain. The typical trend to start relationships these days is to go on dates, have a lot of sex and hope it leads to a long-term relationship (which happens sometimes).”

    This is a myth I heard repeated over and over in the Church while growing up.

    Oddly enough, I have found it to be untrue out in the real world. Sure, there ARE men like this out there. You might be surprised to know that there are also women out there like this. But I can’t say I know a single guy like what you’re describing here, and I find it to be a dim, pessimistic view of humanity.

    “However, I know that I offer more security (which is a big deal to women) to my future wife than you do to yours. I’m not fearful of sex, I’m not doubtful of myself at all, I just have more willpower than you have.”

    Again, this comes from your perspective on sex. Willpower has nothing at all to do with it: I happily and willingly have had sex with the women I’ve had sex with. Nothing was coerced on either side. I don’t think there is any reason NOT to have sex with somebody you like, so “willpower” has nothing to do with it!
    As for security, this only makes sense if you’re talking about willpower I guess? It makes no sense otherwise (and is a particularly amusing thing when we’re talking about me specifically for reasons I don’t need to discuss in public).

    “I’ve dated enough “Christian” women in my life who have slept around, then returned to their Christian values of being celibate. I can tell you for certain that they feel a lot of guilt for their past. You probably wouldn’t know this since I imagine you don’t date Christian girls who don’t view sex as sacred.”

    You’ve got the dots but you’re not connecting them. Of COURSE they feel guilty, the religion they follow tells them they SHOULD feel guilty about it! The sex itself isn’t making them feel guilty, it’s religion doing what it does best (making people feel guilty about things they shouldn’t feel guilty about).

    “I’m too compassionate of a guy to have sex with someone (you know, give them the ultimate physical and spiritual embrace that you can offer someone) and not think much of it.”

    This is classic Nice Guy talk. Unfortunately there is no way for me to prove to you that no, sex is NOT the ultimate physical and spiritual embrace you can offer someone. Too compassionate? No… it sounds more like far too obsessed with sex being sacred.

    Which leads us to these several statements:
    “If it weren’t sacred then why would anyone ever consider settling down with one person for the rest of their lives? Why not just stay single for the rest of your life and have sex with as many people as possible? If sex wasn’t sacred then why does cheating cause so much heartache? Well, maybe it doesn’t to you, since sex really isn’t a big deal in your eyes. Really man, you honestly think that sex isn’t sacred?”

    It’s not at all surprising that a modern young Christian thinks these things, but they aren’t correct. You seem to be equating marriage with sex. Even in Biblical times, this was far from the case: many of the heroes of the Old Testament had multiple wives and/or concubines. The New Testament doesn’t talk much about marriage, but I don’t think there are any prohibitions against having multiple wives. (yes, Paul the ex-pharisee does warn against “fornication” but as far as I can recall Jesus really doesn’t say anything about it).

    But the real kicker here–and it breaks my heart to see you bringing up the right questions but then coming to an incorrect shortcut answer–is that you’re assuming two things:
    1. People decide to stay together for the rest of their lives for sex
    2. There is no other option between “get married and have sex with one person” or “stay single and have all the sex”

    Why is sex so sacred? Where is this taught in the Bible? I fear you’re putting a really great thing on a pedestal that it just doesn’t belong on. If sex was so sacred I don’t think it’d be so hilariously gross and squishy sometimes.

    But, more to my point, and more to answer your really good questions here, I’m going to make a bold statement: humans aren’t meant to be fully monogamous. If they were, WHY are we plagued with cheating? WHY do men (or women) that are supposed to be moral pillars of our country, in what appear to be very loving relationships, cheat on their partners CONSTANTLY? You’re right, it does cause a lot of heartache. Cheating is horrible!

    But are you so sure that it’s horrible because of the sex, or because of the lies? Do you not view non-physical cheating (emotional cheating, “cheating” in chatrooms or via text, etc) as quite as bad since there’s no physical sex involved?
    It seems to me that there is a lot more to the story. Turns out, there is.
    You should look up a book called “Sex at Dawn.” Though… if you don’t believe in evolution, it probably won’t be all that interesting.

  9. The other thing I want to comment on is this:

    You talk a lot about how you think women feel about sex, or how they are “different” from men.

    All of those sound like talking-points I heard from Youth Group leaders when I was a teenager.

    I’ve found through experience that none of them are true in general–and many are pretty misogynistic viewpoints (“women are weaker (in some way) than men”).

    As for the security thing: I know men that desire security and women that desire adventure and uncertainty. I know others that fit the stereotype you implied to some extent. But it’s different between *people*, not between men and women.

    • TBH, I have not read most of what the two of you have written. Or like… any of it. But I read this one! Cause it was short. And I would like to say that I am *so* glad there is someone else pointing out that these differences are differences in *personality* not gender!

  10. And ugh, I’m spamming here, but one last (second) comment on this:
    “most men take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability for their own gain”

    This is something you can find people saying ALL OVER the internet–Christian, Atheist, none-of-the-above. The common thread between the guys who say this is one thing: they all hate “jerks” and they are all “Nice Guys” wondering why they can’t find (or maintain relationships with) women. So they blame it on their “competitors” for “taking advantage” of women.

    This is both a dismal view of other men as well as a misogynistic view of women: it assumes that women are constantly “fooled” into having sex, rather than wanting sex as well!

  11. Dan, best of luck to you. I hope you end up with a good girl.

    Since my view on sex and relationships is such a joke in your eyes then by all mean, tell my future wife on our wedding day how much of an idiot I was for waiting for her (yeah, it does take some serious willpower to wait), pursuing her, working hard to win her over and taking the time to build a strong friendship with her when I could have spent my time elsewhere sleeping around with 100+ women.

    ***********************

    Now back to the original audience that this is intended for… Girls, have you heard of the saying “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” This means, “Why would a guy want to invest in you long term if all he wants is sex?” The answer is that he doesn’t. If you want to know whether a guy really cares about your values and your personality, make him work for it and don’t put out so easily. Sorry, Dan. I know this idea kills your game, but don’t worry; only the girls who are sick of dating bay-boys and truly want to settle down are going to actually take this advice and apply it.

    **Girls who like bad boys: go ahead and keep sleeping around. Just know, you’ll never turn a bad-boy into a real man. You may think you have the ability, you really don’t. Guys don’t change**

    • A) I never implied that girls who like bad boys are sleeping around. I did actually include a disclaimer in my original post regarding that. Girls can like bad boys because they think they will be better in bed but not actually act on that. I actually covered this fairly well in the original post.
      B) you don’t know Dan at all, but you are categorizing and stereotyping him, and then judging him. Dan is actually a nice guy (literally, I’m not categorizing him as that). He can come across as harsh sometimes, but I think he has been remaining fairly calm here even after all the terrible things you’re saying about him. True, he does have a different view than you, but there actually are people that fit in the middle. Not everyone is in one of the extremes. So maybe try to not think you know what someone is like and say bad crap about them, when you really don’t know.

      Maybe he said some rude stuff to you, but your first post came across as pretty rude in general, and people tend to get defensive when you start attacking them.

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