Friends vs Lovers

Suppose you are fortunate enough to have “fallen in love with” and married your Friend.  And now suppose it possible that you were offered the choice of two futures: “Either you two will cease to be lovers but remain forever joint seekers of the same God, the same beauty, the same truth, or else, losing all that, you will retain as long as you live the raptures and ardours, all the wonder and the wild desire of Eros.  Choose which you please.”  Which should we choose?  Which choice should we not regret after we had made it?

– C.S. Lewis


6 thoughts on “Friends vs Lovers

  1. Seeing as I don’t believe in any god, and (presuming that it was a god that gave the choice) any god who presented a choice like that isn’t something I would want to serve, it would be the second choice every single time.

    • Missing the point. It’s C. S. Lewis, so of course he is including God in there, but it is not necessarily God giving the choice, and the list is just things that two people are passionate about that makes them really good friends. So it’s just basically saying you have to choose between being super awesome friends but not lovers, or super awesome lovers but with nothing in common.

  2. I agree that the “God” part in there will probably alienate a lot of people. Putting that particular part aside, I couldn’t ever pick one or the other, because to me it’s not one or the other – they aren’t two separate things. It’s one relationship; you can’t dissect it. Every aspect is entwined with every other aspect. I realize this isn’t true for every relationship, but for me the question is absurd.

  3. I am surprised that CS Lewis would ask such a question. One thing we desire as humans, is intimacy. When it is not there, we continue through life still in search of it – and we won’t stop until it has been found.
    There is no greater form of intimacy than to share a common love and closeness with God, and then to also share as best friends in marriage. To be ‘one’ with another person in spirit (both intimately loving God and finding agreement in their faith), mind (sharing common thought, laughter, similar intellects, and having an ability to balance one another emotionally), and body (being able to share the exclusive, secret, physical intimacy designed for marriage)… this is truly one of the greatest gifts given to all of mankind. It was God’s pleasure to provide this when woman was given to man in the garden. In the perfect world it was, this was God’s last and finest gift to man.
    It is my very strong view, that God intended for us to experience the combination of all of these intimacies at once, and for all of our lives. We have not known this tremendous secret, for various reasons, and so search and experiment in many ways, still reaching for this perfect scenario of love in it’s most euphoric form.
    If I must make a choice, in answer to CS Lewis’ question, it is to option one. However, I cannot fully rest in it, and I will still seek this treasure of intimacy and friendship with a best friend/husband for the remainder of my days.

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