When I was young, I thought love was simple.  Blame it on the Disney movies…I just figured there’s a beautiful princess and a handsome prince and they fall in love and get married.  I even wrote a book about such a thing when I was little.  I mean seriously, why would there be more than one princess?  And why would there be more than one prince?  And of course no one cares about all the other people in the stories, like the servants and friends and whoever else was in there.  Love was never the problem, the problem was always how they could meet each other, or which castle they wanted to live in.  Love was obvious.

Naturally, as time progressed, I discovered this was not the case.  There are, as it turns out, more people to the story than one princess and one prince.  I did still believe everyone had a soulmate for a very long time (I am still processing this one), and it was just a matter of finding them.  I’m a hopeless romantic.  But even this became more challenging as time went on.  The huge number of divorces is one thing that challenged my concept of a soulmate.  How do you explain that?  I thought maybe people married too soon without really figuring out enough about the person and realizing it wasn’t their soulmate.

But as life goes on, love becomes more and more complex.  I recently read an article that stated that we never marry the perfect person, since no one is perfect.  It basically said that we don’t have a soulmate, we marry someone for whatever reasons but not because they are perfect for us, because no one is.  Problems will occur, and we need to just know how to deal with them in a selfless way, to keep the marriage, and not try to bail just because the person isn’t what we thought our perfect mate would be.

We had a speaker today at home community on the topic of love and respect in marriage and dating relationships.  Part of what she discussed was fighting for the marriage (when you are married, of course) and how you do this.  One person had a general question but in the context of a specific experience; basically, in a dating relationship, how you know how much to keep fighting to stay together and when you give up and say you’re not meant to be together.  And her point was that in her relationship, they fought all the time but they LOVED each other, so were they right to give up, or should they have stayed together and figured out how to work out their differences?  That really got me…the L word always does…How DO we know that?  And if you Love someone, how could you not be right for each other?

I still insist that people should not settle.  If you liked someone a lot, you should probably not decide to marry someone you like less than them.  I am sure there is always someone equivalent or better.  Settling is depressing.  But…do we have soulmates?  Is there one person that is the one for us, or do we find someone that is pretty darn fantastic, and make it work with them, but maybe if we would have taken a different path we would have met a different fantastic person?

I don’t generally believe in divorce (there are exceptions).  This challenges my idea of soulmates vs. not.  If there are not soulmates, and you marry someone that is fantastic and you can work stuff out with, and then later down the line, you meet someone else and you think that is the person you want to be with…then what?  I do not know what this would actually be like, I have seen it in the movies.  But if we don’t have soulmates, this concept is very difficult for my hopeless romantic view of the world to comprehend.

We watched a movie recently called TiMER, about people getting timers implanted in their wrists that count down to when they will meet their soulmate.  When they see each other for the first time, both of their timers go off.  In order to not spoil the movie, I will try to be vague…there are couples that seem perfect for each other, or where one party is convinced they love the other, who is unsure…and then near the end their timers finally go off for different people. I thought that the timers had to be wrong, and that they were really meant to be with the people they were with, but it turns out the timers are always right.  I was very upset at first, because people shouldn’t fall in love with someone if that’s not their soulmate, right?  But then I realized that that’s what actually happens in real life.  One person may love someone but that person doesn’t love them back.  Or you love each other but it’s not right and you don’t end up together.

It doesn’t make sense to my innocent, fairy-tale mind.  Love should be simple.  Love should be easy.  Love should be black and white.  Two people love each other and they are meant to be together.  None of this heartache garbage.

Obviously, now I know it’s not that simple.  There’s a lot of heartache.  But it just keeps getting more and more complicated the more I learn and the more I experience.  And if we don’t have soulmates, that makes things even more difficult.  So, while I acknowledge the fact that Love hurts and Love is complicated, I am still unconvinced that there are no soulmates.  I’m not quite ready to give that up yet.

As you can see, this is yet unresolved.  Thoughts/opinions are quite welcome 🙂


4 thoughts on “Soulmates

  1. I think that the notion of soulmates is like the notion of pornography or airbrushing models to make them look sexier: it’s a dose of fantasy that’s just tangible enough to satisfy a certain level of craving, just enough to keep us wanting more and believing that it could be real, and just enough to keep us from tasting the “more” that we could really find if we ignored the lies and looked at what was right in front of us: real people.

  2. This is interesting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m certainly not an expert on this topic (obviously since I’m still single haha), and I’ve been asking a lot of these types of questions too. I don’t believe there is a soulmate God has appointed for us (although I like the idea of it). I think true love is something that has to be developed over time, and having a strong friendship in addition to the romantic stuff. However, I do believe there are certain people we are a lot more cohesive with, mostly through personalities that gel, similar beliefs, and similar hobbies. And I think we often do feel that spark when we find that kind of person.

    I liked what you said about nobody being perfect and having to work at it. It’s going to be work sometimes to be with anyone, simply because we are human and everyone has different needs and expectations. I think that’s something important to remember, too. It’s good to know what we want in a future partner, but the danger is we set such high (and stringent) standards that nobody is good enough, and we miss out on opportunities with incredible people. Movies and books are very entertaining and fun, but it’s important for us to keep in mind that it’s fictional, and nothing is perfect like in the movies like you were saying.

  3. There’s no such thing as a soulmate. It doesn’t make sense. There are so many people in the world – do you really think that out of the 6-7 billion there is only *one* who you could spend your life with? Crazy talk 😉 You start with compatibility and attraction, and if things seem to work well you roll with it – adding lots of determination, patience, and humor. It’s actually not complicated at all, if you go about it practically.

  4. Pingback: Why is it so difficult? | Reflections on Love

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